A man returns home to find a strange woman using his shower, he doesn’t have long to question her presence however as she brutally murders him, bashing his head in with dumbbells and shooting him in the groin while blaring out classical music on her victim’s stereo. The crime scene the next day is visited by the cop Tinam (Simon Yam) who has numerous ideas about the style and identity of the killer, but his superior officer refuses to listen to him, as Tinam is A Cop On the Edge, having accidentally killed his last partner (also his brother) he is now very highly strung and cannot even hold a gun without vomiting. His superior says he is transferring Tinam to the ‘Anti-porn Department’ but rather than being intrigued by the sort of evidence he’d have to study over there, he instead wants to stay on the case. Tinam does listen to his boss when he tells him to go get a haircut however, and at this point we’re introduced to another customer at the salon, the lovely Kitty (Chingmy Yau) who is being hit on by one of the hairdressers. The plot thickens when the guy’s girlfriend walks in, she’s pregnant and he wants to dump her thinking he has something going with Kitty. The girlfriend slaps him and he knocks her to the ground, prompting Kitty to do what anybody would do in her situation, burn a cigarette into his face and stab him repeatedly in the groin with a pair of scissors! Tinam jumps to his feet but is stunned by her beauty (he just gazes at her as she throws her hair back in slow motion), and she and the jilted girlfriend flee. He confronts Kitty outside and in a truly inept piece of police work, allows Kitty to threaten him with his own gun, the very sight of it causing him to bring up his lunch and freak out. They introduce themselves to each other, and Tinam lets her go because, well, he’s a crappy cop. This would not be the last time they would meet however, Tinam left his pager behind and Kitty just happens to work for the network it uses, and so the evil female mind games begin. Tinam goes to his department to find Kitty there telling his superior that someone from his department tried to rape her. Tinam is deeply concerned until its revealed she said Tinam had saved her from the attacker, and she ends up dragging him out on a shopping trip, then suddenly walking off on him. Sorry, I wish I could write this so it makes sense, but its beyond me.

Anyway, Kitty goes home to her father’s food stall and walks into the middle of a fight between her dad and stepmother, who her father shortly after discovers is sleeping with another man, in their bed, while he’s just downstairs. In the scuffle that follows, Kitty’s father is killed when he falls down some stairs and accidentally stabs himself with scissors. The stepmother’s lover escapes before Kitty can stab him, but that’s not the end of it. While the man sits in his office ordering his men to find Kitty and kill her, she suddenly appears in his building armed with a semi-automatic and starts shooting at anything that moves. She gets a couple of shots off at her man, hitting him in the ass, but she is restrained by his thugs who then intend to rape her. She fights away from their grasp however and her target gets a pencil in his groin several times as every man watching winces, before shooting him to death. She grabs a passing woman and holds her hostage to get out of the building, but this woman is not as she seems. After reaching the parking garage she shifts into gear to help the hurt Kitty, unleashing a deadly exploding hat before using a blades and guns to take out the henchmen on their tail. This woman introduces herself as Sister Cindy but Kitty loses consciousness soon after. She awakes to find herself in a fancy house in an unknown location, she’s been stripped to her underwear and has had the skin stripped off her fingers by the mysterious Sister Cindy, who was in the process of changing her fingerprints. Kitty is now a wanted woman for her raid on that building and has been framed for a theft of $450,000 (murdering a bunch of guys wasn’t enough to get her charged or something?!). Sister Cindy is in fact a contract killer, and as well as helping Kitty change her identity she wishes to train her to be a hit woman. As her (bizarre) training begins, it is revealed that Sister Cindy had a student before her called Princess (Carrie Ng) and that she and her partner/lesbian lover Baby are responsible for the recent spate of groin-destroying murders that Tinam is investigating. Unable to avoid Tinam as he gets closer to the truth, Kitty must deal with her attraction to him, as well as the psychotic Princess who means to kill Sister Cindy and take Kitty for herself.

Naked Killer is a film that is as ridiculous as it is entertaining, and quite deserving of its cult status though not necessarily for reasons you might expect. Lets get this out of the way to start with, though this film has ‘naked’ in the title and Chingmy is sans clothes on the cover, there is very little nudity to speak of, and very little sexual content. As far as ‘Category III shockers’ go this is probably the tamest you’ll see, Chingmy Yau never reveals any of her naughty bits on camera, and the love scenes have absolutely no chemistry, romance, or eroticism. In fact its very odd - producer Wong Jin was allegedly ‘seeing’ Chingmy Yau at the time this was made (and for much of her film career evidently) and was very protective of her and unwilling to allow her ‘assets’ to be revealed on screen. Even more curious is the stance director Clarence Ford takes on love scenes, he doesn’t even like shooting them and puts in very little effort here. Now I’m no expert on making ‘Category III shockers’ but wouldn’t having a lead actress who is willing to show her goods, and having the obligatory sex scenes actually arousing in some way better fulfil the criteria for an ‘erotic thriller’? So no, if you’re looking for some softcore fun you’re going to have to look elsewhere, so what reason is left to watch this?

Firstly, Clarence Ford may not like sex scenes, but he sure knows a thing or two about visual flair and aesthetics. The film is full of bright and broad primary colours, from Chingmy’s numerous outfits to Sister Cindy’s interesting house, which looks like it came straight out of some cheesy British 70’s TV show. This certainly gives the film a novel look and a good deal more individuality than the sleazier and more formulaic movies it shares a rating with. With the help of Lau Shung Fung’s action direction, Ford also crafts a variety of greatly entertaining action sequences, from the gruesome murder that opens the film, to the fast paced battle in the parking garage, to the inevitable final showdown people are flipping, diving, leaping, and blowing the crap out of each other. Unlike a lot of trash of this ilk, the action is tightly choreographed and edited, the actresses doubled effectively when need be, and this certainly boasted a larger budget than many other Category III movies. There is also a good deal of bloody violence for you gore hounds, and any that are so inclined will love all the penis mutilation that punctuates the movie like a well-sharpened pencil, prepare to cross your legs uncomfortably guys.

The other main selling point is, well, this movie is just plain nuts! Having seen so many cheesy and wacky movies, a film has to be pretty damn insane to stand out, and Naked Killer doesn’t just stand out, it does a little dance to a tune it can hear the voices in its head singing. For instance, Kitty seems very fond of stabbing people in the crotch in front of numerous witnesses, and she has no problem walking into a building packing heat and trying to kill a bunch of people. Tinam also lets her off for stabbing a guy’s balls off but you must remember, he’s a crappy cop. Sure, I know there are a few quirky people around but this is pushing the boundaries of believability just a tad, I swear some Hong Kong movies portray the country to be so full of guns that are readily available to the public, its putting me off wanting to visit the place. Sister Cindy’s teaching techniques are interesting to say the least also, when she’s not groping Kitty she’s putting her in decidedly odd situations. Now the chances are you’ve seen a few ‘assassin’ movies, so if you were a professional killer and were training a new protégé, which of these three choices would you think would best help develop your student’s skills as the ultimate killer:

1. Train her in using firearms, perfecting her aim and technique so that she can shoot and kill her target as quickly and easily as possible.
2. Teach her a deadly martial arts style over several years so that she can kill her opponent using speed, stealth and a deadly technique that leaves little or no evidence.
3. Lock her in a basement with a deranged rapist and don’t let her out until she’s killed him.

Well its gotta be 3 doesn’t it? No? Well I guess that’s why you’re not a top lesbian hit woman, though if you are feel free to drop me a line at the above email. It is the silliness and brazen disregard for making any sense at all that makes this film both very entertaining but also somewhat irritating in places. For instance, Tinam’s investigations lead him to Sister Cindy and Kitty’s alternate identities, and after ten minutes of Tinam trying to get Kitty to admit its really her, it starts to annoy as she looks exactly the same and the argument over her identity goes back and forth without the writing really making the irritation worthwhile.

In terms of performances, the cast plays things pretty over the top, this script would have been too difficult to play too straight. Simon Yam is a decent though somewhat ineffectual cop while he’s still vomiting at the site of his gun, and Yiu Wai is eccentric and fun as the experienced Sister Cindy. Carrie Ng is deliciously evil as Princess and looked to be really enjoying herself, almost constantly sneering and overacting with some suitably villainous histrionics. Chingmy Yau really did make a name for herself with this film, and though this might have been more to do with the imfamy and controversy surrounding the film rather than her actual performance, she acquits her self well. She has a somewhat unique look which makes her quite striking, and she has good screen presence which is helped by the bright and colourful wardrobe she is decked out in during the film. She has some cute charm but isn’t the greatest actress, though the exaggerated nature of this film and the overacting most of the cast indulged in probably stopped her from standing out too much. However it could be said that while Naked Killer got Yau considerable attention and she went on to make another 30 movies or so after this one , she never really shed the stigma attached to appearing in Category III movies, especially as this was her first and her most successful. Of course things weren’t helped by her relationship with Wong Jing who was very closely involved with her on and off the movie set, the ravenous Hong Kong press accusing her of sleeping her way to the top. As expected this made her a continual target for the tabloids as well as a scapegoat for critics, and after splitting with Wong Jing and marrying a fashion designer a couple of years ago, it looks like she has retired from the silver screen anyway. A shame, as she makes a cute and endearing leading lady in fun little movies like this.

This is a movie that a lot of people are going to check out because of the hype surrounding it, and many of those are going to come away disappointed. That’s to be expected, as the film doesn’t really come close to the sleaze of gratuitous female nudity that is promised, but as far as I’m concerned that’s a good thing. If this film had been dragged down with unpleasant sexual content like the aforementioned Raped By An Angel series, it would have taken a considerable amount of shine away from the fun aspects of the movie, and while little care has gone into the writing, the visual style stands out, as do the many quirks that make the film so ludicrous yet enjoyable. Not for everybody, but enough good to outweigh the bad.